i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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