sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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