I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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