guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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