Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(848): View more from New Jersey

life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.

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(848): life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward. http://tfl.nu/gey7

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(510): View more from California

dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?

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(510): dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF? http://tfl.nu/9690

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(440): View more from Ohio

Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.

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(440): Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family. http://tfl.nu/crmt

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011

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(919): I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011 http://tfl.nu/zxkw

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(251): View more from Alabama

you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

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(251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u

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(256): View more from Alabama

I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.

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(256): I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck. http://tfl.nu/xyly

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(909): View more from California

He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.

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(909): He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult. http://tfl.nu/s4nn

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo

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(920): It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo http://tfl.nu/s2q1

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".

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(330): I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry". http://tfl.nu/b71c

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(510): View more from California

but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.

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(510): but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/vgwo

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(860): View more from Connecticut

people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids

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(860): people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids http://tfl.nu/scfe

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.

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(814): The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain. http://tfl.nu/8v87

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(817): View more from Texas

Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina

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(817): Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina http://tfl.nu/3njj

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(276): View more from Virginia

I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.

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(276): I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control. http://tfl.nu/jas4

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Do u remember buying that

(732): View more from New Jersey

I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo

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(732): Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog (814): Do u remember buying that (732): I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo http://tfl.nu/x02b

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