Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so let's talk penis.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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