broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize