Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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