4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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