I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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