please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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