just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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