Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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