My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
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I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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