I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
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So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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