Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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