I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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