I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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