he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize