I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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