I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize