You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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