i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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