Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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