ya dads aren't the best wingmen
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
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the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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