So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize