we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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