Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize