now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize