I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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