Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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