I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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