I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize