cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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