I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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