she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
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My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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