apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize