It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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