he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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