My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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