I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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