I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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