He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize