this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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