you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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