nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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