you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize