Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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