i would punch a child for taco bell
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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