he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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