Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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